A week ago, I was on my way to teach my Fear & Writing workshop for the first time for the Seattle Public Library’s Seattle Writes Program, and I was scared.
For several years I had attended Seattle Writes workshops and enjoyed them. I figured that until I had “made it” as an author, that I’d always be a student in these workshops and not the teacher. So, when I was asked by Linda Johns, author, librarian, and Seattle Writes Coordinator, to teach a workshop this year, I was surprised, thrilled, and very nervous.
I had self-published four books (one novel and three prelaw guides), but by no means had I “made it” as an author. I loved teaching but I feared that no one would show up. I feared that people wouldn’t understand what I had to say. I feared that I might not be ready to teach a workshop on fear. Ironic, isn’t it? I knew Linda was taking a chance on me and I didn’t want to let her down.
In the car, driving with my husband Marcus to the Greenwood Public Library, I prayed that 15 people would show up. That’s a great number for a free writing workshop on a Sunday afternoon, especially when the Seahawks are playing. Marcus encouraged me by saying that no matter how many people showed up, that was the right number. I agreed and did my best to keep my expectations low and my nerves steady.
We arrived at the library a half hour early to set up. When I walked into the conference room, it was already part full–as in there were already 15-20 people there! Some of them were coloring with colored pencils. I asked, “Is this a crafting workshop?”
The woman sitting closest to me said, “No, the librarian brought in some coloring supplies for us while we wait for the workshop.”
“Are you all here for the Fear & Writing workshop?” I asked.
“Yes,” they replied.
At that moment, I wanted to let out a loud “Yaaaaaaasssss!” and high-five Marcus. Instead, I nodded and said, “Oh, great. So glad you’re all here.” Then I exchanged a knowing glance with Marcus, and we started setting up.
That half hour was incredible. People kept steadily streaming in. Soon, the room had 30 people, 40 people, and still, people kept coming.
We didn’t have enough tables and chairs so I asked the librarians if we could get more. The librarians and staff hustled to bring in flip desks, round tables, even a triangular table to supplement the standard rectangular tables we already had. They even brought in large coffeetable books and passed them around as hard writing surfaces for the people who did not have a table.
When we reached 54 people–yep, 54–I told librarian Erin that I thought we were at capacity–any more people and the ones that were already there would be too crowded, too uncomfortable. She decided it was time to lock the door. We could get out, but no one else could get in. My first workshop for the Seattle Public Library’s Seattle Writes Program had, in effect, sold out. In theatre terms, we were SRO or Standing Room Only.
I could barely contain myself. Just that morning, I had sent out a post about closing my writing coaching business. I wanted to shift away from one-to-one client work and move toward classes and speaking gigs. It felt right when I wrote it, but then, all my fears and doubts rushed back in as Marcus drove me to my workshop a few hours later.
So, to stand in front of a packed room of writers–all there to learn from me–was incredible. For a writer like me, who has struggled for almost two years to face fear, write full time, and not give up, this was a huge nod from the universe. The universe was telling me, “You’re on the right path, Peg. Keep going.”
I started the workshop by asking, “Are you all as fearful as me?”
People laughed. And we were off and running. Together, we discussed and tried techniques that I used all the time to deal with fear.
I wasn’t sure if people would meditate with me. But, they did.
I wasn’t sure if people would jump into the freewriting exercises. But, they did.
I wasn’t sure if people would read their writing aloud in front of strangers. But, they did.
I realized that the people that came to my workshop were my people–people willing to learn, people willing to engage, people willing to be vulnerable. I could not have asked for a more awesome group of writers. They may all have had some fears about writing, but it did not show that day.
As the two hours came to an end, I felt invigorated, and I hoped all the writers in the room felt the same. It did not matter to me anymore whether I had “made it” as an author. That day, I had made it as a writing teacher, and I was happy. There was no room left for fear.
I want to give HUGE thanks to Linda Johns, Seattle Central Library librarian and coordinator of the Seattle Writes Program, Greenwood Public Library librarians Erin Moehring and Jessica Faught, the staff at the Greenwood Public Library, my husband/workshop assistant/photographer/cheerleader Marcus Donner, and again, all the wonderful writers that showed up for my workshop. Thank you, all!
Photos by Marcus Donner